Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
