She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
