Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
