It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
