I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
