24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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