i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
try to milk me bitch
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
