how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
