I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
