I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize