Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
