I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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