you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So squirting runs in the family.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The struggles of a small town man whore
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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