YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
