I haven't been this sober since birth.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
