As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
