did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Randomize
