I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's blow job season.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
