got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
