Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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