I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You're like the curious george of whores
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the liver wants what the liver wants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
