By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
