no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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