I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
