I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
