Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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