I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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