Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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