Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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