they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My feet surprised me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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