She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
