do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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