She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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