o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
