Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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