I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
