he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
