I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
