Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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