You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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