My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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