Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
