but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
