escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
