i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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