I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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