if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
