Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
