I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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