you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
