I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
