Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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