So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize