It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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