The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
