I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
