Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize