this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize