Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need a beard to bite.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
