wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
