I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize