my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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