Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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