in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
